I'm just bubbling over! I just picked up my flute and played some classical music for the first time in at least a year! I used to give lessons and play solos, in choirs, bands, orchestras, jazz ensembles, duets, and more... all the time! And I've left it behind! My encounter with it today is making me burst out of my own skin!! I'm thrilled at the sound of the notes flowing beautifully from my flute... I'm enthralled with the majestic beauty of music.... the beauty of excellence that only the creator could invent.
In my rush of excitement I scurried back into the living room and found everyone asleep... I skulked back to my room and put my flute down on my desk and scurried to the bathroom to brush my teeth... I passed through the kitchen and threw some water into the tea kettle (I'm gonna need some tea tonight!) and sat down to sign up for just one more class... yes it's more credits than I was intending to take... but I can always drop it, right? Greek! I'm going to take Greek! I hear that reading the New Testament in English is like reading in black and white... but when you read it in Greek, it bursts into color! Ah! I'm so excited! Who knows if I'll be able to finish my entire class load, but nonetheless, I'm starting to feel the anticipation set in... God isn't done with me yet. He has more journeys unfolding.
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Today I sat down at my cabin, taking in the overcast sunlight pouring through the windows. I looked around and saw my family, all in their chairs, reading or watching the sun-lit lake dazzle the forest around it. Feeling my heart's fatigue I opened up my Bible to 2 Peter with one ear on the chicken I was cooking for family dinner. I poured over the pages of 2 Peter! Oh! Peter's heart is so gentle! But he's still firm... He reflects the heart of Christ in His own way. I've spent a lot of time with Paul (and boy, I love Paul!), but to sit and take in Peter's words about godliness and how to live and be close to God and anticipate His coming and combat lies... I was so comforted!
Yesterday, I believe, I read 2 Corinthians. It is so beautiful how God comforts us when we are afflicted so that we can comfort other people. 2 Peter tells us that it is better for us to suffer because of the righteous things we've done than for evil things. Yes, I've heard that about a billion times... but I believe it now! I've been suffering for bad things for a long time now... for the evil in my own heart and for walking in disobedience to God. But now, I make choices that cost me something for the Lord. He is the reason that I live and so I'm going to pursue righteousness even when it costs me the things that are most dear to me. David Crowder expresses this beautifully in his song "Let me Feel You Shine."
I lift a knife to the thing I love most
Praying you'll come so I can have both
But what I need is you to touch me
What I need is for you to be the thing that I need....
Let me feel you shine your magnificent light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
Let me feel you shine oh let me feel you shine
So beautiful and warm so beautiful and bright
Like the sun coming out of the rainy sky
Oh let me feel you shine....
In His own magnificent way, God reminded me today that my life is completely about Him. Boy, I make it about a lot of different things, but He reminded me that if what I am doing is to become closer to Him, no matter what it is, I am doing what is good in His eyes! And that is quite literally all that matters. Oh Darling, I love you. I wish I could sit down with you and read 2 Peter with you and gush over the words! It is so beautiful... I love seeing Peter's Christ-like heart and His defense of Paul, even.
Everything about this weekend was hard. I was in my favorite place in the entire world, my cabin, but nonetheless, my heart was aching. I was mourning over my sin and over the past. What could I have done differently? Have I messed up my life? What about the future? What will come of all of this mess I've made? But God, in His infinitely loving touch, came and held me in his hand, put his mouth up to my ear and said,
"Darling, I still love you and I am still here with you. Not only that, but I am proud of you. I am so proud that you are coming back towards me. I have made you strong and courageous and I am making you exactly who I want you to be. You are clay in my Holy hands, Beloved. I love you dearly and I will never stop. Remember, I gave my Son for you? I love you. Walk with me. I'm here to walk with you and hold you in my palm your whole life long. I'm not about to leave you. Pursue righteousness and you will be with me, you will glorify me, you will honor me, and that pleases me. You are already pure in my eyes. See, Christ? I have forgiven you. But now, I want you to pursue righteousness and holiness. You are set apart now, Darling. Because I love you, I want you to pursue righteousness. This is what is best for you and it will bring your heart closer to mine! And don't forget, I love you."
Now, I'm being summoned by my Abba to spend time with Him before my busy day of cooking, hostessing, and packing tomorrow. I'm so excited and delighted to see the young women that I have planned to meet tomorrow! But my Love has some things He wants to share with me before I go to sleep, so I must go.
I love you all.
Let me know if I can pray for you at all.
Please be praying for me.
Love forever,
Julia Grace
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