Lord give me your words this morning as you teach me about your Word. As I write, direct my fingers and my heart and say to me and through me what is TRUE and beautiful.
Good morning
This morning I woke up on my friend's couch, curled up in a warm blanket with the air conditioner and the fan buzzing loudly. I laid there with my eyes closed for a few minutes, feeling the calm stillness of the morning. 7:30. Through the curtains I could tell that the sky was overcast today, but still beautiful (after all, my Lord made it that way today). After many days of blazing hot weather here in Washington, I could feel the coolness of the new day setting in, even as the sun was rising. This new day's coolness made the blanket wrapped around my shoulders even more cozy, and I found a piece of delight in the day, just the way it was. Lord, thank you for today. It is beautiful the way you've made it.
Last night, before I went to sleep, another wave of desperation set in. I asked the Lord if I could please feel Him close to me as I went to sleep. As soon as I asked, I'd realized that He had been so close to me all day, and He was still with me.
This morning I opened up my Bible to Psalms, as has been my habit the last couple days, and the page turned to Psalm 34 which says,
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted; He saves those who are crushed in Spirit," (v. 18).
The Lord is close to me... Gee... I feel special <3
Last night was Wednesday night. Youth group night. I got my last chance to lead worship for the kids before I traveled across the country again... We sang "I'm trading my sorrows" which is a super bouncy song about how we are trading our sorrows, shame, pain, and laying them down for the JOY of the Lord! We were dancing and jumping around on stage and I was laughing and doing my best to get the youth group to join me though I could feel sorrow gnaw at that hole in my heart. We were all laughing and smiling, and moved on to sing a few more. Then we all sat down and began watching this video by Francis Chan called "Enjoying God." I sat up and listened, and quickly learned that he was talking about the fear of God.
Soon, we split up into small groups and began to discuss what the fear of the Lord is. As we talked, it became apparent very quickly that the girls in my group seemed to be as unfamiliar as I was with the concept of "fearing God." Why should we fear God if He is loving, caring, healing, gentle, gracious? compassionate? As we discussed the topic, some of our perceptions bubbled up to the surface.
I think that many of us do not fear God because we do not completely understand who God is. Others of us don't fear Him because we are completely turned away from Him. We outright deny Him. Very few of us have seen Him, but if we did, we would stand before Him like Isaiah the prophet or John the apostle in complete awe, and cry to God to save us because we are defenseless before Him! As the girls talked with me, God poked at my heart and uncovered my glaring lack of fear of God. I forgot what is was to fear God because I'd ceased to feel the need to.
I often think that I don't need to fear God, but that is only because I am living in denial of my sin. I don't need to fear God because I am safe and sound, covered, in His shelter... and I am... until I realized God's sweeping hand still has the ability to remove even the most precious things from my life if He decides to. And in the end, everything in my life is in his hands. I cannot withhold anything from the Lord that He is unable to take away from me.
But isn't there comfort in that? Isn't there comfort in that God is a Father who is completely powerful to give to me what I need and to take away whatever he chooses? I can stand here in the comfort of knowing that God is constant. He doesn't change His mind and He always brings about the things that He has planned from the beginning. Regardless of what I do. (1 Samuel 15:29) As Job said, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. May the name of the Lord be praised," (Job 1:20).
The problem is, that we don't trust God as He is. I, at least, have designs on what God's plan should be, or what God would do if He really did love me. However, I am finding rest in the fact that God is in complete control over my world. Whatever is in my world, He is my Daddy and he will do what He wants with it. Beloved, why don't we find comfort in that fact? Why do we spend so much time fighting the God who gave His very life to save us from our own sins!? (Romans 6:23). I need to quit it! Somebody slap me! STOP trying to determine what God is going to do and just stand up and obey Him! Seek Him! Love Him because He has already loved you abundantly.
Beth Moore and I were talking last night about a historical story in 1 Samuel (we weren't really talking, I was reading her study on David). She asked me to read 1 Samuel 14. She pointed out Jonathan's armor bearer's attitude toward his master. This man said to Jonathan, "Do what is in your heart. You choose. I am right here with you whatever you decide," (7). What if that was my attitude? Darling, what if that was your attitude? Just to stand before the Lord of our ever-loving lives ready to willingly obey Him? Honestly, probably because I've stopped fixing my eyes on the God I am trying to follow.
"How happy are those whose way is blameless,
who live according to the Lord's instruction." (Psalm 119:1)
Lord, give me a heart that is willing to obey you today, even if you instruct me to do something that I don't like. I've seen this morning in 1 Samuel 15 Saul disobeyed the Lord, and as a result, the kingship was taken away from Him. In turn, Samuel had to do the Lord's bidding and renounce Him as king, even though He wept for Saul (15:35). Lord, Help me to willingly obey you today and to be in tune with your every direction as I remember your Truth today, even if it hurts me. Lead me with your strong hands Lord every day, and as I chart my paths, you will direct my steps (Proverbs 16:9) because I know in the end, you will heal my broken heart (Revelation 21:4). Thank you Jesus.
Time to brew more coffee!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment