That Which is Truly Life

I'm not really who I thought I was and I'm not as okay as I thought I was. Yes, I act as if my life is a party, but in reality, I'm falling apart. In reality, I've been walking around, holding out my bleeding heart in my hands, wondering if anyone can see it. 

What caused that? you may ask. Life caused it. Life hurts. Life has hurt for a long time and I've been sort of, denying it. There are few things about life that are easy, and the good things in life tend towards rarity. I am stuck in places I really don't want to be, I never feel like I've achieved what I've been striving for, and I never really have that comradery that I long for. What else? I am often hungry, sick, tired, and stressed, wondering how on earth I am going to pay for next months bills let alone how I'll make it through today. 

Maybe I'm the only one.... I know I'm not. Do you know how I feel? At least a little bit. 

But what's the point??? Is there a point to all of the pain? Sometimes, when we are standing in the middle of our desperation, we don't know exactly what to do with ourselves. How do we move forward? How do we step towards healing? What if I don't even know what questions to ask??? I'm just HERE. WHAT NOW? 

Here's the reality. 
God never changes. He is always the same regardless of how we waver, struggle, seek, stumble, or worse. It doesn't matter how much we believe that God is here to take care of us, or whether or not we're completely convinced that God is going to take care of us in our present state (WHATEVER that may be, honey). God is going to do what is good because He is good. When are we going to stop believing that God is going to do only what we know what to tell Him to do. IS OUR GOD THAT SMALL?????? 

These questions have affronted me. In the midst of great trials, GOD has remained the same. He has remained faithful when, quite literally, everything else in my life was failing me. 

Honey, you're a sunflower. Sunflowers don't decide whether or not they're going to be beautiful or whether or not they're going to bloom. Their Maker does. And frankly, whatever the Maker decides to do with you, Sunflower, is completely up to Him and that means that whatever happens, it is for a good purpose. That's what His Good Word says.

So what now? We may not be able to do anything, but we can rest in the reality that our Maker is the One who will never let go of those who are in His possession. 

This softened my heart today: Hear A Deeper Healing (Joni Eareckson Tada) here.

This verse was very encouraging to me yesterday, and I'd love to share it with you:
"As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life." 

• Our hope is in God who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 
• We are rich in good works, as we are generous, ready to share, and storing up eternal treasures for ourselves.
• By doing these things we take hold of that which is truly life.  

For a long time, I've lived thinking that something besides simply Jesus Himself was truly life!! But now, I'm seeing that only He is truly LIFE and nothing can take that from me. Everything else is fading and I can be robbed of everything else in my life, but my Jesus and His Word is truly LIFE. 
And I enjoy everything He gives. 

Potter

Something found deep in earth
where worms eat and moles rule
where darkness always covers everything
and the dampness makes everything
sick
cold.
Lord, Potter, you took me from the earth
and chose me from the land.
Now holding me with your hands,
you use your fingers to design me.
You create of me what you desire,
and now I am in your hands.
Whatever use you have in mind
for me, Lord, Potter, I will
willingly accept it.
Only to be in your hands makes
me valuable and loved.
Potter, whatever you are forming me
into, form me well.
I want to be pleasing to you...
but only you, Lord
can form the clay.

I love you, dear Potter.

Lord Potter makes beautiful things out of dust.
Out of clay He forms marvelous blessings which are used to bless the ages.

My Potter, my Potter is He who loves me. My Potter, my Potter is He who has a purpose for me.

Lord, what beautiful story, what soothing poem are you making of my life?
You have stripped everything else away
and behold, all I have is You. 

Eternal Love,
Pottery

Finally Blooming Again

The excitement builds as I look forward to my new adventure... the one to the City. Chic-town here I come!

I'm just bubbling over! I just picked up my flute and played some classical music for the first time in at least a year! I used to give lessons and play solos, in choirs, bands, orchestras, jazz ensembles, duets, and more... all the time! And I've left it behind! My encounter with it today is making me burst out of my own skin!! I'm thrilled at the sound of the  notes flowing beautifully from my flute... I'm enthralled with the majestic beauty of music.... the beauty of excellence that only the creator could invent.
In my rush of excitement I scurried back into the living room and found everyone asleep... I skulked back to my room and put my flute down on my desk and scurried to the bathroom to brush my teeth... I passed through the kitchen and threw some water into the tea kettle (I'm gonna need some tea tonight!) and sat down to sign up for just one more class... yes it's more credits than I was intending to take... but I can always drop it, right? Greek! I'm going to take Greek! I hear that reading the New Testament in English is like reading in black and white... but when you read it in Greek, it bursts into color! Ah! I'm so excited! Who knows if I'll be able to finish my entire class load, but nonetheless, I'm starting to feel the anticipation set in... God isn't done with me yet. He has more journeys unfolding.

Today I sat down at my cabin, taking in the overcast sunlight pouring through the windows. I looked around and saw my family, all in their chairs, reading or watching the sun-lit lake dazzle the forest around it. Feeling my heart's fatigue I opened up my Bible to 2 Peter with one ear on the chicken I was cooking for family dinner. I poured over the pages of 2 Peter! Oh! Peter's heart is so gentle! But he's still firm... He reflects the heart of Christ in His own way. I've spent a lot of time with Paul (and boy, I love Paul!), but to sit and take in Peter's words about godliness and how to live and be close to God and anticipate His coming and combat lies... I was so comforted!
Yesterday, I believe, I read 2 Corinthians. It is so beautiful how God comforts us when we are afflicted so that we can comfort other people. 2 Peter tells us that it is better for us to suffer because of the righteous things we've done than for evil things. Yes, I've heard that about a billion times... but I believe it now! I've been suffering for bad things for a long time now... for the evil in my own heart and for walking in disobedience to God. But now, I make choices that cost me something for the Lord. He is the reason that I live and so I'm going to pursue righteousness even when it costs me the things that are most dear to me. David Crowder expresses this beautifully in his song "Let me Feel You Shine."

I lift a knife to the thing I love most
Praying you'll come so I can have both
But what I need is you to touch me
What I need is for you to be the thing that I need.... 
Let me feel you shine your magnificent light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
Let me feel you shine oh let me feel you shine
So beautiful and warm so beautiful and bright
Like the sun coming out of the rainy sky
Oh let me feel you shine....

In His own magnificent way, God reminded me today that my life is completely about Him. Boy, I make it about a lot of different things, but He reminded me that if what I am doing is to become closer to Him, no matter what it is, I am doing what is good in His eyes! And that is quite literally all that matters. Oh Darling, I love you. I wish I could sit down with you and read 2 Peter with you and gush over the words! It is so beautiful... I love seeing Peter's Christ-like heart and His defense of Paul, even.

Everything about this weekend was hard. I was in my favorite place in the entire world, my cabin, but nonetheless, my heart was aching. I was mourning over my sin and over the past. What could I have done differently? Have I messed up my life? What about the future? What will come of all of this mess I've made? But God, in His infinitely loving touch, came and held me in his hand, put his mouth up to my ear and said,

"Darling, I still love you and I am still here with you. Not only that, but I am proud of you. I am so proud that you are coming back towards me. I have made you strong and courageous and I am making you exactly who I want you to be. You are clay in my Holy hands, Beloved. I love you dearly and I will never stop. Remember, I gave my Son for you? I love you. Walk with me. I'm here to walk with you and hold you in my palm your whole life long. I'm not about to leave you. Pursue righteousness and you will be with me, you will glorify me, you will honor me, and that pleases me. You are already pure in my eyes. See, Christ? I have forgiven you. But now, I want you to pursue righteousness and holiness. You are set apart now, Darling. Because I love you, I want you to pursue righteousness. This is what is best for you and it will bring your heart closer to mine! And don't forget, I love you." 

Now, I'm being summoned by my Abba to spend time with Him before my busy day of cooking, hostessing, and packing tomorrow. I'm so excited and delighted to see the young women that I have planned to meet tomorrow! But my Love has some things He wants to share with me before I go to sleep, so I must go. 

I love you all. 
Let me know if I can pray for you at all. 
Please be praying for me. 

Love forever,
Julia Grace

Who Can I Trust?

INTRODUCTION
Paul wrote a letter to a man that he had led to Christ. He began with stating His purpose: He wanted to build up the faith of Christians and increase the knowledge of truth which leads to godliness. 
Get this: Paul was preaching truth which led to godliness. (How many times do we wonder how we can become more Christ-like? Fill your mind with truth, Darlin'. It's the best way to go. The only way to go, honestly....) (verse 1)
That godliness which comes from truth is only within the hope of eternal life that we have in Christ (and have had even before time began!). We don't have to be godly without the hope of eternal life. What would the point of godliness be if it had no lasting significance? But it is of eternal significance! We had this hope in Christ even before time began. (verse 2)
God has revealed this truth in his own time and He entrusted Paul with the proclamation of the message of Christ as God commanded Him.
*truth is always revealed in God's timing. He's not slow in keeping his promises, or speaking to His people, but He has perfect timing every time with no detail ignored.
* truth was entrusted to Paul along with a command to proclaim it. We are entrusted with truth, not to keep it to ourselves, but to proclaim it as God has said it.
--> In this introduction, it is clear that Paul has a gospel focus which is directed on the church for the purpose of making us more godly. This is not an aimless letter. He wanted deeply for the church to be more godly. Why would he want that? There is freedom with truth and freedom living in that truth which leads to godliness, godliness being the essence of living in freedom. 

-Imagine the value of godliness if Paul's concentration was to increase godliness in the church.

Take a quick look at Paul's standard greeting - "Grace and peace to you from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior.
Often, this greeting is something that I look over, but really, It's incredible!
Grace and Peace <-- God the Father and Christ our Savior.
The picture of Father. He is the one directing the church with a plan and purpose for it. 
The picture of Savior. Our Savior is the center of our worship. We worship what we view as Savior. Having a Savior like Christ is a good incentive to hear the Word and live it. 

MOVING ON
Paul left Titus to appoint elders. His instruction in this letter was enough for Titus to know what to do while Paul was absent. The fun part about that, is that it means that we are also equipped to know what kind of people are worthy of following.
An elder (as distinct from an overseer) is to be:

• Blameless
• Husband of one wife (yes a husband. It says husband.)
• Faithful in character
• His kids should not be rebellious

An overseer (or God's administrator) was to be:

• Blameless
• Not hot-tempered
• Not addicted to alcohol
• Not a bully (manipulative and mean, perhaps?)
• Not greedy for money
• Hospitable
• Loving
• Self-controlled
• "Holding to the faithful message as taught so he will be able to encourage with sound teaching and refute those who contradict it." 

WARNING

Not everyone is all that they seem. We need to be discerning about the people whose instruction we trust, or Paul wouldn't have given a warning. These people that we need to watch out for are full of empty talk and deception. Some people who seem to be wise are simply deceptively smooth-talkers. Their instruction usually sounds decent. True. Even logical. Godly even! But when you weigh their lives against the standard above, you will know whether or not you can trust their instruction. Are they really like Christ? We know them by their fruit!

We are called to silence these people. It is necessary because Paul demanded it. Why?

These people will overthrow households by teaching what they should never teach. These people are disruptive and they put families into chaos. 

These disruptive people will try to make you doubt the people you should trust and try to separate you from them. And get this: they usually do so in the name of godliness. 

Why do they do this? 

For dishonest gain. They are greedy and selfish people, wolves in sheep's clothing though they often claim to be sheep in wolves clothing. (Keep in mind, I'm am talking about people in any sort of authority.) 

Beloved, beware. The best of these false teachers live a good lie. Be sure to measure them against Paul's standard which is laid out in his letter to Titus. Listen to people you know you can trust when they question certain teachings. Seek the truth together and you will find it together. The Holy Spirit will lead you both in the same direction and to agreement, the same conclusion. Know the Word and you will be led into godliness and light (John 1). 

So what is to be done? 

For those who have authority,

Rebuke them sharply. For what purpose? So that they might be sound in the faith, and not pay attention to myths and the commands of people who obviously reject the truth! These people who lead others astray are astray themselves. God desires that they be restored also. If you have the authority to do so, rebuke false teachers with the goal of leading them to godliness through truth!

"To the pure everything is pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; In fact, both their minds and their consciences are defiled. They profess to know God, but they deny Him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, and disqualified for any good work."

"But you must say the things that are consistent with sound teaching." 

Beloved, it is sad and hard when you come out of a long season of deception and realize you did not heed Paul's qualifications in your own heart. Listen, know. Know what Paul required, and you will know who's instruction to trust.

Love you all.

-Julia Grace

One More Stride

So, this is a time of significant transition in my life... Things are up in the air, I don't know what to expect from a new move ahead of me that is now only a week away! I'll be living with a bunch of crazy young women that will challenge me and hold me accountable to my run with the Lord, and I'm so excited to see what God is going to teach me! He definitely has a long curriculum planned... some hard-core training to put me through, if you know what I'm saying.
So I've been running again recently after not running consistently for about a year. Oh... I love the exhilaration of flying down the street with music blaring in my ears and the thrill I get from pushing through the hardest parts of the run... running faster up hills and running harder when I feel the sun in beating down on my back. Now, I'm certainly not in the condition I was last year, but it doesn't matter. I can always work to get back into it, and soon be able to run even farther and faster than I did before!
Once in a while I like to run with my best friends. I love talking to them while we're running, or just listening to their feet pounding the pavement next to me and hearing their breath get faster as mine syncs with theirs. There's something special about running with other people. It encourages you to run better, farther, and faster! When I can share the mutual enjoyment of running with someone, we can encourage each other as we run as individuals towards a shared goal. Now, it's perfectly wonderful to run by myself, in fact, I really enjoy that... but there's something about a "push through it!" accompanied by a smile that just helps me keep running hard. There is nothing like a good friend who kicks your butt...

Biblical writers often used the same metaphor of running to describe our lives as Christians. I know that a lot of you don't like to run, but still, hear me. If you do love running, however, please feel the thrill of the metaphor next time you run!!!
Running is hard. Sometimes it hurts. Your lungs burn, your body aches, your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth, the sun beats down on your overheated body, and everything in your body tells you to stop... but if you're a serious runner, you keep going. Today, after directing calisthenics for my little bro's football team, I decided that I wanted to run 3 miles or so. The catch? I was thinking about this metaphor. I decided that I would not stop running for anything and push through to the end. Of course, there were a few times that I thought that I would need to stop, but I didn't, I decided to keep going and keep running anyway, even though it was hard. I knew that the payoff would be that much greater in the end if I did push through. Because I did, I got a better workout, I got a higher runner's high, and hopefully I'll be able to run faster and farther soon... AND I get the thrill of saying, "yes, I did that!" and I'm excited that I've done it! It was hard, but it was oh, so worth it! I need to remember that.

Now, what are we running for?  We can have a lot of goals, but ultimately, we are running towards heaven, towards Christ. Sometimes our bodies and spirits will ache. Sometimes we'll feel like we just need to stop because the sun is beating down too hard and we're too thirsty to move on, but we can keep running. Difficulties come over us in life sometimes, but the wonderful thing is, that Jesus has overcome all of it. He is completely victorious over every part of everything. Ephesians tells us that everything is under his feet. Nothing is out of His control. We can look to him and know that in the end, even if the run is hard now, we are running towards Him! He is our prize! And running this race is worship and it is so worth it. Sometimes we don't know how long it will take us to get to the end of our run, but we do know that it will feel so good when we do! Until then...

One more stride
ligaments and tendons
muscle and bone
one more stride
hit the ground
feel the tension
one more stride
breath in
breathe out
one more stride
held together and
not falling apart
one more stride
life blood pumps
through my veins
one more stride
arms pumping
head spinning
one more stride
oxygen all around
breathe it deeply
one more stride
provided for
sustained
one more stride
trust in you
shaking sets in
one more stride
head pounding
heart aching
one more stride
emotions well
stride faster
one more stride
trees fly by
wind whips my skin
one more stride
push through
breathe in and out
one more stride
relax
run straight
one more stride
confused
lost
one more stride
mis-step
trip
one more stride
blood on my hand
wipe on my shirt
one more stride
sun is coming
higher and higher
one more stride
visible light
in the distance
almost there
one more stride....

All my love,
Julia Grace

Brothers, sisters, run the race and keep the faith for which Christ Jesus has called us heavenward!

Troubled and Unafraid

Not to throw a pity party or anything, but my legs hurt, my stomach hurts, my head aches, my shoulders ache, and my eyes are dry from pouring out tears today. My eyes are tired and I can barely squint to see the computer screen right now, but I wanted to remember what the Lord did for me today...
At work, I became completely overwhelmed with all of the changes occurring in my life... Now, I am not a crying sort of a gal, but as I was hustling around work, I felt it all crashing down on me. I just lost it. I walked into the back room, hung my head, and started to cry... Not just a few tears. Like, enough to fill one of those tear bottles that I hear God has... I reached for my Bible and sat down and breathed in a psalm. Another Psalm. And finally this one...

"My soul, praise Yahweh, 
and all that is within me, praise His holy name. 
My soul, praise the Lord, 
and do not forget all His benefits.
He forgives all your sin;
He heals all your diseases.
He redeems your life from the pit;
He crowns you with faithful love and compassion.
He satisfies you with goodness;
your youth is renewed like the eagle."
Psalm 103:1-5

A few years ago, I memorized this short little passage... and ever since it has been one that I draw from in hard, gloomy, and now, seemingly unbearable times. My eyes searched the psalms for a cry to the Lord for help, and yet they landed on "praise YAHWEH!"
Stillness.
*GASP*
Then, I felt like I was finally able to breathe after being underneath a crushing sea and tossing waves... for hours! 
Praise God right now, my soul! Everything in me, from the deep depths of my hurting heart, praise His Holy name. Even in the midst of this chaos and distress, remember all that He has done for you:
~He has forgiven all of your sin - no more guilt or shame. No more fear. I am forgiven through Jesus Christ. Period.
~He will heal all your diseases - look forward to heaven, Beloved, because this is not all there is! Jesus whispered to my heart today as I stared blankly at a rack of clothing... *nudge* "Darling, soon you will be standing on glory's side with every person you love so dearly singing, 'Holy Holy Holy!' Don't worry about this blip in eternity. I love you and I will save you from everything." 
~He redeems my life from the pit - He redeems me and makes me new no matter what sort of pit I have been lying in! Here I was, sitting on my break room chair, and God is like, "Darling, I have redeemed you. I have wonderful plans for your life, and they are not what most people will expect! I have not left you merely wallow in your dungeon of sin and brokenness. No. I have redeemed you today. Come here. Let me hold you."
~He crowns you with faithful love and compassion - My God has compassion on me, and His love is faithful. I wear that like a crown that God Himself put on my head. Here in this agony, I am wearing the beautiful crown of God's faithful love and His wonderful compassion. It says, "I love you, Beloved." 
~He satisfies you with goodness - In Him, I can be satisfied by His goodness and the good things that He chooses to give to me. He satisfies me. In reality, He has not left me here hungry and alone. No. I am crowned with love and satisfied by the good things He has given me. Lord, I want to understand the weight of that! 
~Your youth is renewed like the eagles - There is nothing like a good trial to make us feel older than we are! He renews my strength and my optimism, my childlike trust in Him to thrive today, like a youth. He is my strength. 

I began work troubled and absolutely terrified, and ended work troubled, but unafraid, because I was remembering God's promises and the truths He has told me. I was still being tossed around by the waves of life, but after I laid my life down before Him one more time, I knew that I had no need to fear... 
Guess what I asked God this morning? To grow me today and help me set my heart on my Shepherd... He did. It just didn't go as smoothly as I had expected. ;) but I suppose that's how God keeps us humble...?

Please remember His promises today. Remember His truth as you go on about your day, no matter what you are facing or how wonderful life seems now. Learn to cling to His promises all the time because He is so other than us, yet so intimate with us, and He desires to touch our hearts in exactly this moment, every moment. 

Someone to Love; Someone to Fear

Lord give me your words this morning as you teach me about your Word. As I write, direct my fingers and my heart and say to me and through me what is TRUE and beautiful. 

Good morning
This morning I woke up on my friend's couch, curled up in a warm blanket with the air conditioner and the fan buzzing loudly. I laid there with my eyes closed for a few minutes, feeling the calm stillness of the morning. 7:30. Through the curtains I could tell that the sky was overcast today, but still beautiful (after all, my Lord made it that way today). After many days of blazing hot weather here in Washington, I could feel the coolness of the new day setting in, even as the sun was rising. This new day's coolness made the blanket wrapped around my shoulders even more cozy, and I found a piece of delight in the day, just the way it was. Lord, thank you for today. It is beautiful the way you've made it.

Last night, before I went to sleep, another wave of desperation set in. I asked the Lord if I could please feel Him close to me as I went to sleep. As soon as I asked, I'd realized that He had been so close to me all day, and He was still with me.
This morning I opened up my Bible to Psalms, as has been my habit the last couple days, and the page turned to Psalm 34 which says,
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted; He saves those who are crushed in Spirit," (v. 18).
The Lord is close to me... Gee... I feel special <3

Last night was Wednesday night. Youth group night. I got my last chance to lead worship for the kids before I traveled across the country again... We sang "I'm trading my sorrows" which is a super bouncy song about how we are trading our sorrows, shame, pain, and laying them down for the JOY of the Lord! We were dancing and jumping around on stage and I was laughing and doing my best to get the youth group to join me though I could feel sorrow gnaw at that hole in my heart. We were all laughing and smiling, and moved on to sing a few more. Then we all sat down and began watching this video by Francis Chan called "Enjoying God." I sat up and listened, and quickly learned that he was talking about the fear of God.
Soon, we split up into small groups and began to discuss what the fear of the Lord is. As we talked, it became apparent very quickly that the girls in my group seemed to be as unfamiliar as I was with the concept of "fearing God." Why should we fear God if He is loving, caring, healing, gentle, gracious? compassionate? As we discussed the topic, some of our perceptions bubbled up to the surface.
I think that many of us do not fear God because we do not completely understand who God is. Others of us don't fear Him because we are completely turned away from Him. We outright deny Him. Very few of us have seen Him, but if we did, we would stand before Him like Isaiah the prophet or John the apostle in complete awe, and cry to God to save us because we are defenseless before Him! As the girls talked with me, God poked at my heart and uncovered my glaring lack of fear of God. I forgot what is was to fear God because I'd ceased to feel the need to.

I often think that I don't need to fear God, but that is only because I am living in denial of my sin. I don't need to fear God because I am safe and sound, covered, in His shelter... and I am... until I realized God's sweeping hand still has the ability to remove even the most precious things from my life if He decides to. And in the end, everything in my life is in his hands. I cannot withhold anything from the Lord that He is unable to take away from me.
But isn't there comfort in that? Isn't there comfort in that God is a Father who is completely powerful to give to me what I need and to take away whatever he chooses? I can stand here in the comfort of knowing that God is constant. He doesn't change His mind and He always brings about the things that He has planned from the beginning. Regardless of what I do. (1 Samuel 15:29) As Job said, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. May the name of the Lord be praised," (Job 1:20).
The problem is, that we don't trust God as He is. I, at least, have designs on what God's plan should be, or what God would do if He really did love me. However, I am finding rest in the fact that God is in complete control over my world. Whatever is in my world, He is my Daddy and he will do what He wants with it. Beloved, why don't we find comfort in that fact? Why do we spend so much time fighting the God who gave His very life to save us from our own sins!? (Romans 6:23). I need to quit it! Somebody slap me! STOP trying to determine what God is going to do and just stand up and obey Him! Seek Him! Love Him because He has already loved you abundantly. 

Beth Moore and I were talking last night about a historical story in 1 Samuel (we weren't really talking, I was reading her study on David). She asked me to read 1 Samuel 14. She pointed out Jonathan's armor bearer's attitude toward his master. This man said to Jonathan, "Do what is in your heart. You choose. I am right here with you whatever you decide," (7). What if that was my attitude? Darling, what if that was your attitude? Just to stand before the Lord of our ever-loving lives ready to willingly obey Him? Honestly, probably because I've stopped fixing my eyes on the God I am trying to follow.

"How happy are those whose way is blameless,
who live according to the Lord's instruction." (Psalm 119:1)

Lord, give me a heart that is willing to obey you today, even if you instruct me to do something that I don't like. I've seen this morning in 1 Samuel 15 Saul disobeyed the Lord, and as a result, the kingship was taken away from Him. In turn, Samuel had to do the Lord's bidding and renounce Him as king, even though He wept for Saul (15:35). Lord, Help me to willingly obey you today and to be in tune with your every direction as I remember your Truth today, even if it hurts me. Lead me with your strong hands Lord every day, and as I chart my paths, you will direct my steps (Proverbs 16:9) because I know in the end, you will heal my broken heart (Revelation 21:4). Thank you Jesus.

Time to brew more coffee!!!

I want to be like the Sunflowers

Another morning, I wake up and I feel the pressing weight on my chest. I throw aside the blanket that is shielding the gloomy sunlight from my sight. I gaze outside and long for something deep in me, a deep need to be met. There's a hole in my heart today. A deep hole. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hide today or if I could even stand to get out of bed today... so I started to pray. I started desperately lifting up my prayers to God, asking Him to please, please help me today... 
Yesterday at work I found a quote by Hellen Keller. It said that we should lift our faces up to the sunshine and not live in the shadows because that is what the sunflowers do. I want to be like the sunflowers. Completely, utterly satisfied to just bask in the sunlight on any old day, no matter how heavy the clouds are that day. 
Today I woke up and I knew that I needed refreshment today, and I knew that the only place I could ever find it was in the Word of God, of course, because God is everything that my heart could need. Sounds cliche, right? Well, to our sinful hearts it does, but He is the only one who can satisfy my deepest needs. Darling, help me to remember as I remind you that no matter what we long for, everything in us is pointing to the God who created us and wants us to long for Him. God created us with needs and longings inside and they point us to Him and how much we long for Him. 
You know, once in a while I think, "yeah, I don't know what I'd do if that happened..." and even the thought of it makes me feel desperate... but the thing of it is that it's good for us to be afflicted. Yes, I said GOOD. Because it DRIVES US like wildfire to God! 
"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I could learn Your statutes." (Psalm 119:11). I wrote that on my arm so that I wouldn't forget it... Baby, I'm feeling desperate! And I need to remember that my God will not leave me or forsake me, and that the reasons He is putting me through these times of desperation is so that I can LEARN His Word! The most precious jewels in the entire world <3 Darling, that is His Word... His words are more precious than the most valuable things in the world. They are more precious than anything, and now He's giving me more of His Word and it's so satisfying. 
So today, I'm feeling desperate, right? Because of this affliction in my life... all of these changes that seem so unbearable, but I know that the Lord has led me to them (and I don't know how they'll turn out by the way! So it's a walk of FAITH which makes it even harder!). So this is how desperate I was feeling. I woke up and went straight to my front porch to sit down with my cold coffee from yesterday (yes, I didn't even brew a fresh pot!) and sat down to read the Word. I started reading Psalms. I took some in, went to do something... for about 10 minutes. Came back, sat down, read Romans. Went to go do something for about 5 minutes, came back, read more Romans. Got up, threw some laundry in the machine, came back, sat down, read 1 Samuel with Beth Moore... Oh my God, I cannot get enough of YOU! I couldn't stand to do anything else today! And I don't know what else to do other than just take in His Word and His promises... 
Something I need to remember though, is that I don't want to just take in His word to fix my problems so that I can fix my life... I want to read His Word so that I can have a relationship with Him and grow closer to Him and learn how to run from Him. 
Say I'm a sunflower in the Sunshine (which I am, because I'm going to choose to bask in His presence). I am a daughter who lives in the provision and light of her Daddy. My great heavenly Father is the Father of lights who gives me every good and perfect thing (James 1:1)7 There is no changing with Him even though my life seems to be going up in FLAMES right now!!! *rawr!*
My Good Daddy gives me every good and perfect thing... and that's enough for me. 

So I had one of my dear friends come over today, not that I know her very well, but just that she has been there a couple times to talk when I needed her and she identified with me and was open with me. We sat down to talk and it was just simply wonderful to see another woman who loved the Lord so desperately and just wanted to see His will done in her life. Something I saw in her is something I want. 
I want to bask in the light of my Daddy and know that He is going to provide for me no matter what. I spend an awful lot of time asking the Lord what I need to do to have His work done in me, but this young woman, she just sat there and basked in the Lord's sunshine. She just sat with her face up to the Lord, talking about something random and took in His light all day long, no matter how thick the clouds were. I want to be like that. I want to stop trying so hard to make the Lord's work happen in my life when He is perfectly capable of fulfilling His work in my life (Romans 8:28-30). 
"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God; those who are called according to His purpose. For those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined to be conformed to the image of His son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; and those He called, He also justified; and those He justified He also glorified."
The Spirit of God is praying for God's will in my life even when I am not! (Romans 8:27). The Spirit of God knows what He wants in my life and that is what God is going to do. Thank God for that!!! 

So today, even though my life seems to be so gloomy, I am going to get up and live my life with My Lord. I am going to trust Him that He has a beautiful plan. A plan full of beauty and purpose that He is working on in me. All I need to do is let him shine His sunshine all over my rain-born petals, and he will feed me, heal me, and clothe me beautifully because He is my good FATHER.